i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
