I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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