You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
