I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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