I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
