we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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