girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
