Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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