i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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