You smell like a Billy Joel song
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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