yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
