Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
