I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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