he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
