If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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