It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Randomize
