i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
