So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize