The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
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