The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
