I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize