On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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