I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We left the knife in your bed.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
