i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
