I accidentally had phone sex last night
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
