Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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