He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
