She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
