her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
