That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
