shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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