Pregnant stripper...not hot.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize