I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize