I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Ladies don't puke and tell
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