weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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