Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Just cropdusted the office
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
pray to the hookup gods
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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