hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
