Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
