I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
