My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Someone shattered a urinal.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize