sarcasm needs its own font
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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