you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
