I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
