It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize