thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
