And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize
