There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Randomize