Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
