i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
This house was built for laser tag.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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