He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
