you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Randomize
