i just sent this text using only my big toe
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
