i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
