True but thats because hes a fetus.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
how does that bad decision feel?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
