I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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