The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
This is my gift to your gina
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
