So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
