we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
