I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
