Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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