So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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