you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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