hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
