also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
