Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize