I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
