dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I skipped work to stalk him.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
