if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
