Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
