So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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