Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
