someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
