Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
