We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
