Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
