I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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