She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I just found puke in my bra..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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