just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My vagina just recognized that song.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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