There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
two words: eviction party
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
