It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
