Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Randomize
