Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
