is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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