normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
