I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
